Movie Review: Ugly Dolls

Ugly Dolls ** / *****

Directed by: Kelly Asbury.

Written by: Alison Peck and Erica Rivinoja and Vivian Wang based on characters created by David Horvath and Sun-min Kim.

Starring: Kelly Clarkson (Moxy), Nick Jonas (Lou), Janelle Monáe (Mandy), Blake Shelton (Ox), Pitbull (Ugly Dog), Gabriel Iglesias (Babo), Wanda Sykes (Wage), Leehom Wang (Lucky Bat), Charli XCX (Kitty), Bebe Rexha (Tuesday), Lizzo (Lydia), Emma Roberts (Wedgehead).

 

The more films like Ugly Dolls I watch with my two wonderful daughters – now 7 and 5 – the more I wonder at what point we develop critical thinking skills, and can tell something like Ugly Dolls is garbage. It clearly hasn’t happened for either of my girls, who sat through Ugly Dolls delighted by the film – and have been happy to get the toys associated with the film either at the theater or at McDonalds. To them, this brightly colored musical about being yourself was an utter delight. I’m not sure I’ve seen a worse animated film aimed at children since The Emoji Movie (which, by the way, they also liked).

 

Ugly Dolls the movie was made as a brand extension for Ugly Dolls, the dolls – although as my five-year-old points out, they should be called Ugly Stuffies, because they aren’t really dolls, proving that my five-year-old has put more thought into this than anyone associated with the Ugly Dolls has. The film is about the town of Ugly Ville, where all the Ugly Dolls live, in peace and happiness. All except for Moxy (Kelly Clarkson) – who believes in the Outer World, where each and every one of them will find their child. Through an overly complicated series of events, Moxy and her friends end up at a school run by Lou (Nick Jonas) – who trains all the beautiful dolls – who looks like prep school kids – how to be perfect, and only then will they be allowed into the outside world. The Ugly Dolls, who looks like they were stitched together with spare pieces of cloth don’t have a chance to make it. Or do they?

 

You know where this is going of course, and so probably will the children. It’s the same story we’ve seen before – this one, stitched together from elements of films like Toy Story and Trolls, but without being anywhere near as good as either of them (and with Trolls at least, the bar isn’t that high). Most of the main cast members – Kelly Clarkson, Nick Jonas, Janelle Monáe, Pitbull, Blake Shelton, Charlie XCX, Bebe Rexha, Lizzo – are all singers, and there is a lot of singing in the movie. The songs though are generic children’s pop music, so while at least some of those singers (Clarkson and Monáe in particular) are extremely talented, they all just kind of end up blending together into a forgettable mess.

 

Which is the best thing you can say about the movie as well – it’s a forgettable mess. Even more than normal, the last few years have seen far too many animated children’s movie just interested in promoting an existing brand – the diversify the portfolio for the owners of something. If the filmmakers are truly inventive, you end up with something as brilliant as The Lego Movie. If they are at least competent, and trying really hard, you could end up with a Trolls. And if you’re just phoning it in, trying to sell a few cute Ugly Dolls, well, you get this.

Movie Review: Smurfs: The Lost Village

Smurfs: The Lost Village ** / *****

Directed by: Kelly Asbury.

Written by: Stacey Harman and Pamela Ribon based on the characters and works of Peyo.

Starring: Demi Lovato (Smurfette), Rainn Wilson (Gargamel), Joe Manganiello (Hefty Smurf), Jack McBrayer (Clumsy Smurf), Danny Pudi (Brainy Smurf), Mandy Patinkin (Papa Smurf), Dee Bradley Baker (Monty), Frank Welker (Azrael), Michelle Rodriguez (SmurfStorm), Ellie Kemper (SmurfBlossom), Julia Roberts (SmurfWillow), Ariel Winter (SmurfLily), Meghan Trainor (SmurfMelody), Bret Marnell (Snappy Bug / Handy Smurf), Brandon Jeffords (Cauldron), Kelly Asbury (Nosey Smurf), Jake Johnson (Grouchy Smurf), Gabriel Iglesias (Jokey Smurf), Tituss Burgess (Vanity Smurf), Jeff Dunham (Farmer Smurf).

 

I’m not quite sure why Sony is having so many problems making a decent Smurfs movie. The first two were animation/live action hybrid, obviously trying to cash in on the same audience who keep going to those damn Alvin and the Chipmunk movies, and were mostly awful – even if they made money. This third attempt makes the right decision to go full on animation, and is an improvement over those two films – but not by all that much. It’s a film aimed very clearly at the kiddie audience – which is fine – but it lacks any real reason to pay attention to it. It’s basically like last year’s Trolls, but less colorful and with less music. It’s not the most painful way to spend 90 minutes with her kids, but having said that, my five year still sings that annoying Trolls song 6 months later – and she hasn’t mentioned Smurfs once since seeing it this weekend. It’s a time waster, and little else.

 

This version of the Smurfs concentrates on Smurfette (Demi Lovato) – who feels out of place, being the only girl Smurf in her village, and one whose name is not her defining characteristic. She feels she’s not a real Smurf, because she was created by Gargamel (Rainn Wilson), and is insecure about what her role is. She and her friends – Hefty (Joe Manganiello), Clumsy (Jack McBrayer) and Brainy (Danny Pudi) head out one day, and end up inadvertently discovering that they are not the only Smurfs out there – and inadvertently letting Gargamel know this as well. The race is then on to find the so-called Lost Village.

 

I know I watched the Smurfs TV show as a kid, but I also know that I have almost no memory of it. It’s safe to say that had these movies no come along, than I likely wouldn’t have given the Smurfs any thought at all in my adult life – which is a long way of saying, there’s no real nostalgia on my end for this franchise. What that means is that these movies have to work on their own terms, and not just pull on my heartstring. This one really doesn’t. I did appreciate how the film is aiming itself directly at children this time – Gargamel is in no way scary, because he’s clearly such an incompetent fool, and Rainn Wilson plays it to the hilt. The rest of the cast kind phones in their performances – I was especially struck by Ariel Winter in a small role, who doesn’t speak in her normal voice, but in the exact same voice she uses for Sofia the First, which is the type of thing you notice when you’ve seen all the episodes of that show approximately 30 times each.

 

Smurfs: The Lost Village is very much like those Disney Jr. shows – it isn’t annoying or loud, and you don’t have to worry about anything too scary or traumatic or mature intruding on your children as they watch them. But those shows are designed, in part, to be distractions for your kids – we put them on when we’re making dinner for example, or when we’ve had enough yelling for the day. The kids like them, we half pay attention, and it’s all fine. That is the best thing you can say about this movie.