Movie Review: Ugly Dolls

Ugly Dolls ** / *****

Directed by: Kelly Asbury.

Written by: Alison Peck and Erica Rivinoja and Vivian Wang based on characters created by David Horvath and Sun-min Kim.

Starring: Kelly Clarkson (Moxy), Nick Jonas (Lou), Janelle Monáe (Mandy), Blake Shelton (Ox), Pitbull (Ugly Dog), Gabriel Iglesias (Babo), Wanda Sykes (Wage), Leehom Wang (Lucky Bat), Charli XCX (Kitty), Bebe Rexha (Tuesday), Lizzo (Lydia), Emma Roberts (Wedgehead).

 

The more films like Ugly Dolls I watch with my two wonderful daughters – now 7 and 5 – the more I wonder at what point we develop critical thinking skills, and can tell something like Ugly Dolls is garbage. It clearly hasn’t happened for either of my girls, who sat through Ugly Dolls delighted by the film – and have been happy to get the toys associated with the film either at the theater or at McDonalds. To them, this brightly colored musical about being yourself was an utter delight. I’m not sure I’ve seen a worse animated film aimed at children since The Emoji Movie (which, by the way, they also liked).

 

Ugly Dolls the movie was made as a brand extension for Ugly Dolls, the dolls – although as my five-year-old points out, they should be called Ugly Stuffies, because they aren’t really dolls, proving that my five-year-old has put more thought into this than anyone associated with the Ugly Dolls has. The film is about the town of Ugly Ville, where all the Ugly Dolls live, in peace and happiness. All except for Moxy (Kelly Clarkson) – who believes in the Outer World, where each and every one of them will find their child. Through an overly complicated series of events, Moxy and her friends end up at a school run by Lou (Nick Jonas) – who trains all the beautiful dolls – who looks like prep school kids – how to be perfect, and only then will they be allowed into the outside world. The Ugly Dolls, who looks like they were stitched together with spare pieces of cloth don’t have a chance to make it. Or do they?

 

You know where this is going of course, and so probably will the children. It’s the same story we’ve seen before – this one, stitched together from elements of films like Toy Story and Trolls, but without being anywhere near as good as either of them (and with Trolls at least, the bar isn’t that high). Most of the main cast members – Kelly Clarkson, Nick Jonas, Janelle Monáe, Pitbull, Blake Shelton, Charlie XCX, Bebe Rexha, Lizzo – are all singers, and there is a lot of singing in the movie. The songs though are generic children’s pop music, so while at least some of those singers (Clarkson and Monáe in particular) are extremely talented, they all just kind of end up blending together into a forgettable mess.

 

Which is the best thing you can say about the movie as well – it’s a forgettable mess. Even more than normal, the last few years have seen far too many animated children’s movie just interested in promoting an existing brand – the diversify the portfolio for the owners of something. If the filmmakers are truly inventive, you end up with something as brilliant as The Lego Movie. If they are at least competent, and trying really hard, you could end up with a Trolls. And if you’re just phoning it in, trying to sell a few cute Ugly Dolls, well, you get this.