Directed by: Bill Condon.
Written by: Melissa Rosenberg based on the novel by Stephenie Meyer.
Starring: Kristen Stewart (Bella Swan), Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen), Taylor Lautner (Jacob Black), Peter Facinelli (Dr. Carlisle Cullen), Elizabeth Reaser (Esme Cullen), Ashley Greene (Alice Cullen), Jackson Rathbone (Jasper Hale), Kellan Lutz (Emmett Cullen), Nikki Reed (Rosalie Hale), Billy Burke (Charlie Swan), Mackenzie Foy (Renesmee), Maggie Grace (Irina), Jamie Campbell Bower (Caius), Christopher Heyerdahl (Marcus), Michael Sheen (Aro), Dakota Fanning (Jane), Cameron Bright (Alec), MyAnna Buring (Tanya), Lee Pace (Garrett), Joe Anderson (Alistair).
I
have often been accused of liking movies where nothing happens. You know the
movies I mean – the long, slowly paced ones that have a lot of talk in them and
not a lot of action. The films of Kelly Reichardt (Old Joy, Wendy & Lucy
and Meek’s Cutoff) are a prime recent example. But I always say that in those
films, a lot happens, you just have to pay attention. The characters are
struggling with their own morality, or with feelings they are trying to
repress. It is all very subtle, but it’s very much there.
It
may seem odd to start my final review of a Twilight film with talk of long,
slow movies where subtle things are bumbling beneath the surface, but I think
it’s appropriate. Because after reading all four of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight
books, and watching all five movies based on those books, I have come to the
conclusion that The Twilight Saga really is a series of books and movies in
which nothing happens. The characters stare longingly at each other, and have
long, serious sounding conversations about love, vampires, werewolves, the
Volturri, sex, family and everything else – but none of it really means
anything. The dialogue is horrid, and the meaning behind it all ridiculous.
Worse yet, it seems like Meyer was so in love with what she created, that she
takes out all real conflict in her stories. You read the books, and it seems
like we have four novels leading towards and ultimate showdown with the
Volturri – one in which nothing really happens and EVERYONE gets to live
happily ever after. No one pays any sort of price for anything that happens. At
least director Bill Condon and screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg know enough to
know we WANT to see a big confrontation, which they give us, even if it turns
out not to be real.
The
first hour of Breaking Dawn Part II is the worst this series has ever been – in
fact, it’s as bad anything I have seen in recent years. In it, Edward and Bella
deal with their young daughter Renesmee (the single worst name in history), and
with Bella as a young vampire – incredibly strong and hungry. Everyone sits
around looking very serious, and saying ridiculous dialogue to each other –
especially if it involves Jacob and “imprinting”. Bella’s father is told that
she is alive, but different – and seems to have no real problem with that.
Then, of course, the Volturri – the powerful Italian vampires who run
everything – find out about Reneesme, and embark on a journey to confront the
Cullens. The Cullens gather their own forces, and it appears we are about to
witness and epic vampire battle royale – which we do see, but it turns out not
to be real.
My
problem with the Twilight Saga has always been the same, and always been
relatively simple. Nothing ever seems to be at stake in movies. There is never
any real danger – we know that everything will be ok in the end, and so the
movies lack any real dramatic tension. Perhaps even worse is that everyone
seems so miserable for the entire running time of every movie. Love is hard,
and is not all joy to be sure, but shouldn’t Edward and Bella – who end this
saga in the most sickeningly cloying scene in the entire series, in a field
full of flowers telling each other “No one has ever loved anyone as much I love
you” seem at some point to be happy? They have spent the entire five movies
looking, sounding an acting completely and totally miserable. I don’t even
think it is either actor’s fault – this is clearly how these characters are
supposed to behave, but sweet Jesus, does it ever get tiring.
You
could argue, I suppose, that I am criticizing Twilight for not being the movie
I want it to be, rather than the movie that it is. Fair enough, I guess. It
always bugs me when people do this – telling filmmakers what they should have
done, instead of just critiquing what they did do. Yet, in this case, what they
did do is create a dramatically inert series of movies – movies with nothing of
interest happening, with dour, boring characters, and horrible special effects -
seriously folks, can you honestly looking at all the scenes of vampires running
at full tilt in this movie – none worse than Bella taking off after that
climber, and not burst into laughter at just how shoddy the special effects
are? These movies make $300 million a pop, couldn’t they spring for better
effects for the finale?
Still,
I suppose that perhaps all I should do is just throw up my hands and admit the
books and movies are not for me. Obviously, millions of teenage girls LOVE this
series – both the books and the movie – beyond all reason, and they tend to be
an underserved demographic, as Hollywood chases after the dollars of teenage
boys, and simply assume girls will also show up. So, good for them I guess. I
just wish the series treated these teenage girls with more respect – more respect
for their ability to handle complex, intelligent plots and characters. There is
no reason you couldn’t make a cheesy love story about vampires. But there is no
reason that when you do, it has to be as dour and self-serious as the Twilight
series.
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