Movie Review: Show Dogs

Show Dogs * ½ / *****

Directed by: Raja Gosnell.

Written by: Max Botkin and Marc Hyman.

Starring: Will Arnett (Frank), Ludacris (Max - voice), Stanley Tucci (Philippe -voice), Natasha Lyonne (Mattie), Jordin Sparks (Daisy – voice), Alan Cumming (Dante – voice), RuPaul (Persephone), Shaquille O'Neal (Karma - voice), Gabriel Iglesias (Sprinkles - voice), Omar Chaparro (Señor Gabriel), Andy Beckwith (Berne).

 

Show Dogs is probably precisely the movie you think it will be when you hear it’s about a talking NYPD dog who goes undercover at a dog show to uncover smugglers, and who has to team up with a FBI agent played by Will Arnett who at first cannot stand him. The bar for ambition on these films is low, and this one basically plays like the writers half saw Miss Congeniality on cable and said what if that but with a dog, and churned out a screenplay that afternoon. You know the studio didn’t think this would make a lot of money – they certainly didn’t spend much on advertising the thing – but they really don’t need to. This is the type of movie that will live for years on Netflix and cable reruns on channels devoted to kids, who will watch the movie and laugh at the talking dogs and fart jokes. There is a reason why there was more than one Beverly Hills Chihuahua movie (there were 3!) and why they have churned out three Pup Star movies in the last three years. The answer is simple – kids love talking dog movies.

 

If you’re not a parent, you probably don’t know about Pup Star – and you are probably in no way ever going to watch Show Dogs – and to be fair to you, there is no reason for you to do either of those things. Show Dogs is a lame comedy that is oddly fixated on the police dogs private parts. Needless to say, my 6 and 4 year olds quite enjoyed it. And good for them, I suppose. I continue to take them to these movies, even knowing how bad they will be, in the hope that they will get into the habit of going to the movies, and love it – so this institution I love survives. And also because it gives us something to do on a Monday of a long weekend when everything else is closed and we’ve already been to the park, and they keep complaining about how bored they are.

 

Will Arnett plays the FBI agent who has to team up with Max, a NYPD Rottweiler with the voice of Ludacris, which of course Arnett cannot understand, but all the other dogs do. Give Arnett credit for not entirely sleepwalking through the movie, and agreeing to show his face on camera – which the host of celebrity voices for the dogs - including Stanley Tucci as an aging, effeminate former champion, Jordin Sparks as Max’s love interest, Alan Cumming as a somehow even more effeminate than Tucci current champion, RuPaul as an dog with a weird costume or Gabriel Iglesias as a hyper active dog named Sprinkles do not do. You know you’re in trouble when the best vocal work in the film may well be Shaquille O’Neal as a philosophy spouting dog. Arnett even agreeably appears in a version of the Dirty Dancing sequence with Max that my kids found hilarious, despite never having seen Dirty Dancing. Natasha Lyonne also shows up as Arnett’s love interest, and that’s strange after years of seeing her in Orange is the New Black, now all put together and prim and proper – it’s just strange.

 

Listen, everyone involved with Show Dogs knew what they were getting into when they made it – and if you watch the film, you know as well. There’s a reason it’s coming out now – because we’re more than a month since the last animated kids movie, and about a month before the next one, Incredibles 2, so they slipped it in here to try and make a few bucks, before the film lives on Netflix and cable forever. The film is what it is – and while that is very (very) bad, I do have a tough time getting angry about it. I mean, what really did I expect when I went to see it?

DVD Review: The Smurfs

The Smurfs **

Directed by: Raja Gosnell.

Written by: J. David Stem & David N. Weiss & Jay Scherick & David Ronn based on the characters of Peyo.

Starring: Hank Azaria (Gargamel), Neil Patrick Harris (Patrick Winslow), Jayma Mays (Grace Winslow), Sofía Vergara (Odile), Tim Gunn (Henri), Jonathan Winters (Papa), Alan Cumming (Gutsy), Katy Perry (Smurfette), Fred Armisen (Brainy), George Lopez (Grouchy), Anton Yelchin (Clumsy).

As a kid, I remember watching The Smurfs TV show and enjoying it, even if all these years later, I don’t remember much about the show itself other than the Smurfs were blue, lived in mushrooms and were constantly fighting against Gargamel and his cat Azarel. Oh, and that Papa Smurf was the only one who got to wear red, and apparently there was only one girl smurf, Smurfette. Everything else, is long forgotten, so I approached the new Smurfs movie hoping that it would tap into that kid who used to love them so (as the Alvin and the Chipmunks movies have done in their best moments). Sadly, it doesn’t. It’s a very colorful movie, a very quick movie, with a lot of kiddie potty humor and not a whole lot else. Kids will love it, but unlike the best kids movies, this is one that parents would be advised to stick in the DVD player and find something else to do for two hours.

The plot centers around the Smurfs, once again, trying to twart Gargamel (Hank Azaria), who wants to capture them to get their “essence” which will make him a much more powerful wizard than he already is. Clumsy Smurf accidentally leads Gargamel to the secret Smurf village, making everyone flee, and then stupid Clumsy, takes the wrong path and is followed by some of his friends – Papa, Smurfette, Gutsy, Brainy and Grouchy, where eventually they end up being sucked into a portal that takes them to New York City, with Gargamel and Azarel close behind them. Now, they need to find a way to reopen the portal and get home, while also trying to dodge Gargamel. They are helped in their efforts by Patrick (Neil Patrick Harris) and his pregnant wife Grace (Jayma Mays), who they accidentally meet and befriend.

There are a couple of jokes in the movie I liked – but I think they were mostly showcased in the preview, like Patrick asking them if they get their names at birth or after they exhibited certain personality characteristics (to which the Smurfs just reply “yes”, which of course makes no sense), or Patrick asking if they never find that song they always sing annoying. But for the most part, nothing much made be smile much, let alone laugh. I have to admit that Neil Patrick Harris does what he can in the role of Patrick – making him much more down to earth and believable than he has any right to be. And Hank Azaria has a blast going completely and totally over the top as the bumbling idiot Gargamel. He’s so inept, that even though he is an evil wizard, you don’t have to worry about nightmares for the kiddies.

The Smurfs was made for children, so perhaps it’s unfair to criticize the movie for being something that kids will like, but adults won’t. And make no mistake, children will like The Smurfs, even if the movie does run a little on the long side (over 100 minutes for a freaking Smurfs movie). Still, if you have young children and buy the DVD, you’ll most likely be tempted to break it at some point, as that song will get stuck in your head as the kids watch and rewatch it. The Smurfs is what it is – a movie made strictly for kids – nothing more, nothing less.