Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Directed by: Jonathan Liebesman.
Written by: Josh Appelbaum & André Nemec and Evan Daugherty based on the characters created by Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman.
Starring: Megan Fox (April O'Neil), Will Arnett (Vernon Fenwick), William Fichtner (Eric Sacks), Alan Ritchson (Raphael), Noel Fisher (Michelangelo), Pete Ploszek (Leonardo), Johnny Knoxville (Leonardo - voice), Jeremy Howard (Donatello), Danny Woodburn (Splinter), Tony Shalhoub (Splinter - voice), Tohoru Masamune (Shredder), Whoopi Goldberg (Bernadette Thompson), Minae Noji (Karai), Abby Elliott (Taylor).

I was the perfect age to be caught up in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle craze when it was at its peak in the late 1980s and early 1990s. For a few years, I loved nothing as much as I love the Ninja Turtles. It remains one of those things from my childhood that I still love – not so much because it was great, but because I remembered how much I loved it then. Unlike other childhood TV shows, movies and toys – like Transformers, He-Man or G.I. Joe – I still feel some sort of attachment to the Turtles. Yes, I’m one of those people who posted an enraged Facebook status update when it was announced that in the new movie, produced by Michael Bay, the Turtles would be aliens. That’s just stupid – they’re not called Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles after all. I was prepared to hate the latest movie – and most of the reviews I saw before I saw the film seemed to confirm my fears that the film was horrendous. So, I must say I was somewhat pleasantly surprised by how not-awful the film ended up being. It’s not what the 32 year old me would call a good movie – and perhaps had I not grown up loving the Turtles so much, I would have hated it – but it’s not one of the worst films of the year either. It’s nowhere near as bad as the other summer blockbuster with Bay’s name attached – Transformers: Age of Extinction – for example. It’s not a good movie by any means – but the 10 year old me would have thought it was the greatest movie ever made.

The main character in the latest movie is not the Turtles themselves – but rather it’s April O’Neil (Megan Fox) – a reporter for Channel 6 news in New York, who wants to be a serious reporter, but is instead sent out to do “feel-good” stories while jumping on a trampoline (calm down perverts, the scene is nowhere near as Baywatch-esque as the words Megan Fox and trampoline would suggest). She wants to cover the rising gang activity by something called the “Foot Clan” – and while investigating, she thinks she catches a glimpse of a vigilante who thwarts their plans. She digs deeper, and finds out that it’s not one vigilante, but four. And there are all giant turtles, who are ninjas, mutants and teenagers. And when she explains this to her boss – she is fired. But the Turtles – and their sensei/father Splinter – a giant rat – know she’s in danger, and want to protect her. But the Foot Clan, led by Shredder, and who has a powerful ally in the rich scientist Eric Sacks (William Fichtner). And, of course, they have an evil plot to destroy the city.

All the characters in the movie are drawn in broad strokes – which is how they are always drawn in the Turtles. The filmmakers have seemingly decided that everyone who will be watching the movie will already be familiar with the franchise – yes, they breeze through their origin story (changing it somewhat, but not totally) – but as far as the individual turtles themselves, they don’t do much interesting with them. Mikey will be everyone’s favorite of course, as he’s the biggest goofball, and gets most of the film’s joke. And, unfortunately, my favorite, Donatello, is given the short straw – he’s the “brain” – mainly because they make him wear glasses. Splinter’s on hand just to explain the origin, and then disappear for most of the rest of the movie. Shredder is almost literally a faceless villain – a non-stop killing machine, with a crazy, metal Samurai suit who looks to be unbeatable, right up until he is, of course. As Sacks, Fichtner is the type of villain who would twirl his mustache if he had one. Strangely, April O’Neal herself is given the most screen time – alongside her cameraman, Will Arnett, who spends most of the time hitting on April.

But who goes to a movie about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for storytelling or characters? It’s all about the action and special effects. To me, these CGI turtles, while ugly, actually do feel real – they fit in with their surroundings and the human characters more naturally than I thought they would. The action sequences are mainly well handled – especially a snowbound, downhill car chase that works amazingly well.

I’m not suggesting that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is a good movie. It isn’t – and if you’re not already a fan of them, then it may play even worse for you. It’s dumb, poorly plotted, and not very well acted. The special effects are good, and the action sequences are decent. The 32 year old me mainly shrugged his shoulders walking out of the movie – thinking it wasn’t the guilty pleasure he had hoped, but it wasn’t the colossal failure I feared. But I cannot totally silence that 10 year old me – who loved it. Nor would I want to.

DVD Review: Wrath of the Titans

Wrath of the Titans
Directed by: Jonathan Liebesman.
Written by: Dan Mazeau & David Johnson & Greg Berlanti based on the screenplay by Beverley Cross.
Starring: Sam Worthington (Perseus), Liam Neeson (Zeus), Ralph Fiennes (Hades), Edgar Ramírez (Ares), Toby Kebbell (Agenor), Rosamund Pike (Andromeda), Bill Nighy (Hephaestus), Danny Huston (Poseidon), John Bell (Helius), Lily James (Korrina), Alejandro Naranjo (Mantius), Freddy Drabble (Apollo), Kathryn Carpenter (Athena).

For whatever reason, I liked Wrath of the Titans more than its predecessor, Clash of the Titans from way back in 2010. Perhaps it’s because I watched this one on DVD and not in theaters, so I didn’t have to suffer through the horrible 3-D that marred the first film so badly. Clash of the Titans was one of those films not shot in 3-D, but went through a conversion after the fact, which hardly ever worked, and certainly didn’t that time. I felt the original Clash of the Titans was a visual mess – blurry and incomprehensible at times. The best thing that can be said about its sequel is that I could at least tell what the hell was going on – not that I much cared, but baby steps of improvement is still an improvement.

The movie takes place 10 years after the events of Clash of the Titans, when Perseus (Sam Worthington) finds out he is the son of Zeus (Liam Neeson), and thus is half God. He went onto to defeat the Kracken, and then retired to his old, quiet life as a fisherman and family life. And for a long time he was happy. But then Zeus comes down again to see his son – and tell him that the Gods are losing their power because the people have stopped believing in them. If people do not pray to the Gods, they apparently lose their power. Hades (Ralph Fiennes) has decided not to go down without a fight – so he has conspired with Cronus, father of Zeus, Hades and Poseidon, to free him from his prison in Tartarus, and sap Zeus of all his power. In doing so, Cronus will destroy humanity. So obviously Zeus needs the help of his humble fisherman son – who is, like last time, reluctant to get involved, until he is forced into it.

From that plot description you may well think that this is a film where you need to review your Greek mythology before seeing – but that’s not really the case. There is a lot of talk and exposition in the first act, before it all gives way to one action sequence after another, and lots and lots of special effects. The special effects are fine, I guess, but it seems like they spent so much money on them that they felt they had to used throughout. As the film moves along, there is little else in the movie aside from those effects – the characters, who weren’t that interesting in the first place, spend much of the movie yelling at each other, and getting into one fight after another.

All that said, Wrath of the Titans is at the very least not a boring movie. And while I feel the special effects are overused, they are at least well done – and there are a few legitimately exciting scenes in the movie – and an excellent sequence involving a maze into Tartarus. But Wrath of the Titans offers nothing to really sink your teeth into – nothing to really keep you involved or care about the outcome.

Movie Review: Battle: Los Angeles

Battle: Los Angeles **
Directed by: Jonathan Liebesman.
Written by: Christopher Bertolini.
Starring: Aaron Eckhart (SSgt. Michael Nantz), Ramon Rodriguez (2nd Lt. William Martinez), Cory Hardrict (Cpl. Jason Lockett), Gino Anthony Pesi (Cpl. Nick Stavrou), Ne-Yo (Cpl. Kevin Harris), James Hiroyuki Liao (LCpl. Steven Mottola), Bridget Moynahan (Michele), Noel Fisher (Pfc. Shaun Lenihan), Adetokumboh M'Cormack (Corpsman Jibril Adukwu), Bryce Cass (Hector Rincon), Michael Peña (Joe Rincon), Michelle Rodriguez (TSgt. Elena Santos), Neil Brown Jr. (LCpl. Richard Guerrero), Taylor Handley (LCpl. Corey Simmons).

Battle: Los Angeles is big, loud and dumb – but also at least sporadically entertaining. It really wants to be the Black Hawk Down of alien invasion movies, and seems to have studied Ridley Scott’s masterful war film (is it Scott’s best? It’s pretty damn close), but also the work of Paul Greengrass (the second two Bourne films, along with United 93 and Green Zone), because the camera never seems to settle. It is constantly moving, the rapid fire editing never slows down as the film dives headlong into marines vs. aliens battle. When the movie is concentrating on the fight between these two opposing forces it works. But when it slows down, and allows it many characters to talk, it grinds to a halt. We don’t care about any of these characters – have in fact a tough time telling them apart – and the dialogue is so awful in parts, you simply shake your head. The ingredients are here for a fine film – but it never really comes together.

The movie begins like many war movies do – with scenes where the filmmakers introduce us to all the characters we will see for the rest of the movie. They do this to try and humanize the characters, who for the next two hours will be anything but human, but whatever. So we have the grizzled veteran (Aaron Eckhart), whose actions on his last tour in Iraq made him a hero – and got many of his men killed – so he has decided to retire after his current training assignment in LA. There is the new Commanding Officer (Ramon Rodriguez) fresh out of school and confident he can lead. There is the brother of one of the men Eckhart got killed (Cory Hardict) who is still bitter about it. There is the man about to get married (Ne-Yo) and his wise cracking best friend (Gino Anthony Pesi). And on and on it goes – introducing these characters, just so when the fight begins, we at least have a chance to figure out who the hell just got killed.

These opening scenes don’t work – they hardly ever work in movies – but pretty soon we leave character development behind. Strange things are happening the world over – things are falling from the sky all over along the coastlines. It isn’t long before we know what those things are – aliens – and that they are not friendly. They are out to destroy humanity. They want our resources, and we are simply in the way. Because their technology is so advanced, humans have little chance against them, and they wipe out cities quickly. The last line of defense, at least in LA, is the marines. And they fight bravely.

When the movie concentrates on action, it pretty much works. Director Jonathan Liebsman (Darkness Falls, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning) may not be a great filmmaker by any stretch, but here he proves he can direct action, and uses special effects to great effect. Typically, I am tired of the rapid fire editing style, and the non-stop camera movement that most action movie directors use today. It becomes difficult, if not impossible, to orient yourself to the action and figure out what the hell is going on. But Liebsman avoids this trap somehow. I knew where everyone was, and what was happening, and why and the scenes where the marines and aliens are engaged in firefights – which to be honest is roughly half the movie – work quite well. The aliens are at times barely glimpses – a mass force moving rapidly towards you – sometimes little more than a blur. But their presence is real. A great sequence features Eckhart torturing a wounded alien – not to get information or out of cruelty, but because he needs to figure out how to kill the damn thing. To describe them would be hard, but let’s just say they reminded me of the aliens for Aliens, Predator and District 9 rolled into one and call it a day.

The problem with the movie is that it feels the need to slow down at some points, and allow the characters to make big speeches. These scenes are somewhat necessary in movies like this I suppose to try and humanize the characters, and because you cannot go 110 mph for a whole two hours without exhausting the audience. It’s here where the movie really grinds to a halt. I don’t really mind the fact that it glamorizes Marines – they are heroes who put themselves on the line – but did it need to glamorize them all? There seems to be a running contest throughout the movie over which Marine can be the most selfless and sacrificing. At times, they feel more like robots than people.

If you like big, loud, dumb action movies – where the pleasure comes from watching thousands of rounds of ammunition being fire, and things blowing up, then Battle: Los Angeles will most likely satisfy you. It does all of that and then some. But for me, I kind of wish they had made this movie is bigger, louder and dumber. We didn’t need all the scenes that grind the movie to a halt while everyone makes speeches – we certainly didn’t to add civilians, and children, at that matter to the mix. They simply distract you from what the movies does well.