Movie Review: The Christmas Chronicles

The Christmas Chronicles ** / *****

Directed by: Clay Kaytis.

Written by: Matt Lieberman.

Starring: Kurt Russell (Santa Claus), Judah Lewis (Teddy Pierce), Darby Camp (Kate Pierce), Kimberly Williams-Paisley (Claire Pierce), Lamorne Morris (Officer Jameson), Martin Roach (Officer Povenda).

 

Most Christmas movies are bad. I think we all understand this, because after all, there isn’t all that much you can do with the formula. They are all a variation on A Christmas Carol or The Grinch, where someone needs to rediscover the true meaning of Christmas, which they do over a long Christmas Eve, with the snow gently falling, and Christmas music swelling in the background. And yet, we watch these films don’t we? We watch them again and again and again – sometimes because we have small children who like them, sometimes just to kill time while the weather outside is frightful, so it’s easier to make some hot chocolate and watch some cheesy Christmas movie. This year, Netflix has added generically titled The Christmas Chronicles to the list of Christmas movies – and you know where it’s going from the start, and it gets there in probably the least interesting way possible. Is it a bad movie? Undoubtedly. Did I still have fun watching it with my two kids as we all sipped hot chocolate? You know it.

 

This movie is centered on the Pierce family – who we witness through home movies at the start of the movie which ends at Christmas 2017, and we soon realize that this will be the first Christmas without the father of the family. The three surviving members aren’t handling things very well – but each in their own way. Mother Claire (Kimberly William-Paisley) is working too much to try and keep everything afloat – including picking up an extra shift on Christmas Eve. Teenager Teddy (Judah Lewis) has been hanging out with some nogoodnicks, and getting into trouble, and 10-year-old Kate (Darby Camp) is trying to keep everyone happy by trying way too hard. It isn’t working. But on those home movies, Kate thinks she sees a red sleeve – and that means Santa. So she comes up with an idea to get a better video of him this year. Needless to say, everything goes horribly wrong, and Santa (Kurt Russell) crashes his sleigh, and ends up enlisting the Pierce children in trying to get Christmas back on track.

 

This movie knows it cheesy, and it embraces it – no one more so than Russell, who seems to be having a lot of as Santa – especially when he gets to dispel the illusion that Santa says “Ho Ho Ho” all the time – by calling it fake news. There is also an Elvis inspired musical number in jail cell with Russell, because I guess why cast Russell as Santa unless you were going to have him do an Elvis inspired musical number in the first place?

 

Like many a kids Christmas movie before it, The Christmas Chronicles has a plot that is way too busy – moving from one place to another, one city to another, with lightning speed, but little charm. It also decides it needs to build the Christmas mythology from the ground up once again, and does so in confusing fashion – including some very strange elves, which I cannot figure out if they were cute or creepy (likely both).

 

So, no, the movie isn’t great. I don’t expect it to become a holiday tradition – like say The Santa Clause (which, admittedly, isn’t great either) or National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation or A Muppet Christmas Carol (the latter of which is the one I have watched every Christmas Eve since I met my wife 16 years ago). But, if you’re tired of all those – and just want to watch something different this time this certainly isn’t a horrible movie to watch – especially if you’re curled up on the couch with the kids, with hot chocolate (provided you’ve added something extra to yours). It isn’t very good – but it doesn’t really have to be.

Movie Review: The Angry Birds Movie

The Angry Birds Movie

Directed by: Clay Kaytis & Fergal Reilly   

Written by: Jon Vitti.

Starring: Jason Sudeikis (Red), Josh Gad  (Chuck), Danny McBride (Bomb), Maya Rudolph (Matilda), Bill Hader (Leonard), Peter Dinklage (Mighty Eagle), Sean Penn (Terence), Keegan-Michael Key (Judge Peckinpah), Kate McKinnon (Stella / Eva the Birthday Mom), Tony Hale Ross / Cyrus / Mime), Hannibal Buress (Edward the Birthday Dad), Ike Barinholtz (Tiny), Tituss Burgess (Photog), Ian Hecox (Bubbles), Anthony Padilla (Hal), Jillian Bell (Helene the Lunch Mom / Yoga Instructor), Billy Eichner (Chef Pig / Phillip), Danielle Brooks (Olive Blue / Monica the Crossing Guard), Blake Shelton (Earl Pig), Charli XCX (Willow).

 

I’m not embarrassed to admit that I’ve wasted more than a few hours of my life playing various versions of Angry Birds on my various iPhones over the years – from the original to Star Wars to a Rio inspired one, etc. The game is simple – a huge slingshot allows you to fire birds, all of which have different abilities, at various structures and buildings – all of which are rather unsteady if birds can break them – and are inhabited by green pigs, who it is your mission to kill. Why birds and pigs are mortal enemies, I do not know, and when playing the game, I don’t much care. The game is fun, and so I play it. There really is no reason why anyone should want to take this game and turn it into a big budget, animated movie for kids – beside money of course – but there also isn’t any real reason why doing so had to result in a bad movie. After all, the idea of a Lego movie sounded stupid at first – and it turned out to be one of the original and entertaining animated films in years.

 

Unfortunately, The Angry Birds Movie is not the second coming of the Lego Movie. It’s more like, well, pretty much any movie based on a video game you can think of (now that I think about it, it’s actually one of the best movies ever to be based on a video game – but considering the list of good movies based on video games is essentially one film long – Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within – that’s not much of an accomplishment). It is an animated film aimed at kids that also tries very hard to be entertaining for the parents as well – the movie, like the Shrek films, peppers lots of adult jokes alongside all the kiddie stuff. The mix never really works, although admittedly, there are a few clever sight gags throughout (which I won’t spoil – if you’re stuck seeing this with your kids, you may as enjoy the surprise of those).

 

The story involves Red (voiced by Jason Sudeikis) – who has never really fit in with his bird brethren on Bird Island. Everyone else is seemingly happy all the time, and Red isn’t. After an incident at a child’s birthday party, a judge sentences him to Anger Management classes – where he meets Chuck (Josh Gag) – a speedy yellow bird- and Bomb, a, uh, bomb (Danny McBride) – who will become his sidekicks of a sort, and Matilda (Maya Rudolph), their overly cheerful teacher, who lets her suppressed rage slip out occasionally. Things go from bad to worse when a couple of pigs – led by Leonard (Bill Hader) arrive in ships, apparently arriving as friends. But as more and more pigs reveal themselves, Red grows more and more suspicious – although he’s the only one. He is, of course, right – and eventually the birds will have to attack the pigs on their turf using, you guessed it, a giant slingshot.

 

I’m not going to try and say that Angry Birds is a horrible movie. It really isn’t – and it moves quickly enough that you’re probably not going to be bored by it. The animation is at least reasonably well done, and if the message is tried and true, it’s also effective. Your kids will probably love it – my almost five year old did (mind you, last summer, she said that Minions was better than Inside Out, so I have some serious doubts about your critical acumen).

 

But the movie really isn’t very good – it’s merely “good enough”. Good enough to entertain kids who are not very demanding of their entertainment, and good enough for the parents that it won’t be overly painful to sit through it. Nothing here is headache inducing, and at least the film isn’t one of those sickly sweet animated film either. The film is an exercise in brand extension, and little else. Then again, that’s all it was trying to be.