Movie Review: Diamantino

Diamantino *** / *****

Directed by: Gabriel Abrantes & Daniel Schmidt.

Written by: Gabriel Abrantes & Daniel Schmidt.

Starring: Carloto Cotta (Diamantino Matamouros), Cleo Tavares (Aisha Brito), Anabela Moreira (Sonia Matamouros), Margarida Moreira (Natasha Matamouros), Carla Maciel (Dr. Lamborghini), Chico Chapas (Chico Matamouros), Hugo Santos Silva (Mouro), Joana Barrios (Minister Ferro), Filipe Vargas (Helena Guerra), Maria Leite (Lucia), Manuela Moura Guedes (Gisele).

 

There is no doubt that Diamantino is one of the weirdest movies of the year. It is a satire and a comedy, and a sports movie, and it, to be honest, just kind of goofy. It declares its intentions in its first scene where the cheerfully childlike soccer star Diamantino (Carloto Cotta) explains what it’s like for him on the field – why he’s so good – and it’s because that when he’s out there on the pitch, he sees fluffy puppies, and they help him. But then during the World Cup, those puppies stop showing up – and he humiliates himself on the field. He becomes a pariah in his native Portugal, and a laughingstock around the world. His beloved father also drops dead when he messes up – leaving him at the mercy of his greedy twin sisters. So, naturally, he decides to adopt a refugee from Africa – this turns out to be Aisha, a lesbian in her 20s, posing as teenage boy from Mozambique, in order to investigate financial irregularities in Diamantino’s accounts – of course run by his sisters. I haven’t even gotten to the cloning, or Dr. Lamborghini, or how all this leads to Portugal perhaps leaving the European Union. Or the breasts Diamantino grows – or the weird sexual vibe with Aisha. Or, but you get the picture.

 

Obviously, any movie with this much going on is going to be wildly inconsistent – and that really is the problem with Diamantino. I don’t think it ever really gels into a complete whole – or even into full satisfying segments. It seemingly pings from one thing to the next from beginning to end – and at times, you have no idea what the hell is going on or why.

 

The secret weapon to the film though is Cotta in the lead role. It’s such an odd performance – a childlike one. He plays Diamantino as someone who understands nothing of the world other than soccer. Perhaps he was designed to be a central figure like Chance the Gardener in Hal Ashby’s masterpiece Being There – an idiot, who is somehow elevated to the status of genius. But Diamantino never gets elevated – he is used by everyone precisely because he is an idiot. But he’s a likable idiot. He is surrounded by such horrible people who want to use and abuse him – people who do not care about him, and are just using him for his money, or his celebrity. Aisha is the exception – although she too starts out using him. No matter how weird the movie gets, Cotta somehow holds it together – at least as much as he can.

 

This is the debut film by writer/directors Gabriel Abrantes and Daniel Schmidt. Even if, as I said, I don’t think it really comes together, I also have to say that it is so weird, and sustains that weirdness throughout, that I am curious to see what they do next. The candy colored surface of the movie is a delight, as is the lead performance. There are moments that are wonderful – and the film has it heart and head in the right place. It’s just that when a film wants to do this much, it’s hard for the filmmakers to do all of it, and still make the thing work. I admire the film as whole, enjoyed it in pieces, and wonder what the hell they will come up with next.