But there were still many other bad films I did see
this year. Ones that could have made my worst 10 list, but didn’t include: Divergent (Neil Burger) which took a
mediocre YA book and turned it into an awful movie (I shudder to think of the
next movie – as the books get far worse as the series progressed). The Expendables 3 (Patrick Hughes) was
the worst of the series, which still hasn’t figured out that fans of the
1980s/90s action stars may want to see action filmed the same way as it was
back then. A Field in England (Ben
Wheatley) was a ridiculous, incoherent movie from the extremely talented
British director. A Million Ways to the
Die in the West (Seth Macfarlane) was painfully unfunny – like the worst
family guy episode which dragged on for more than two hours. Mood Indigo (Michel Gondry) was Gondry
at his absolute worst – all cuteness, no content. Need for Speed (Scott Waugh) had no story, but still managed to
run for more than 2 hours of loud action.
Pompeii (Paul W.S. Anderson) was another horrible film by the less talented
Paul Anderson. The Quiet Ones (John
Pogue) was a dull, unscary horror movie, which went nowhere and did so
slowly. Sabotage (David Ayer) had a
good premise, but devolved into nothing but action, rather than storytelling –
and not good action at that. Serena
(Susanne Bier) was a soap opera that took itself way too seriously, and
wasted its two very talented leads. Sex
Tape (Jake Kasdan) should have made an entertaining sex comedy, but instead
was simply boring. Tusk (Kevin Smith) has
a bizarro premise which Smith somehow completely screws up. Wish I Was Here (Zach Braff) was indulgent
in the extreme – a vanity project in the worse sense of the word.
Bottom 10
10. Third Person (Paul Haggis)
Paul Haggis’ Third Person is, like his
Oscar-winning Crash, a film that hopes between multiple stories lines,
connected by a uniting theme – this time about love, both romantic and
parent-child. But unlike Crash, which in spite of what its biggest detractors
will tell you is not an awful film (merely a mediocre one); Third Person is
really, really bad. The storylines don’t make much sense together – and strain
credibility at every turn, stranding talented actors like Mila Kunis, Adrien
Brody, James Franco, Olivia Wilde, Maria Bellow and Liam Neeson with nothing to
do. And when you get to the “big twist ending”, it’s simply ludicrous. 90% of
Third Person is a bad movie – the last 10 minutes or so are simply god-awful,
which is why it earns a spot on this list.
9. Are You Here (Matthew Weiner)
How does a guy as talented as Matthew Weiner – who
has guided Mad Men from the beginning – make a film as tone deaf as Are You
Here? The film is supposed to be a comedy about two overgrown men-children who
eventually grow up – but it isn’t funny, and the man children don’t really grow
up, simply get duller. Owen Wilson and Zach Galifiankis are better than they
are given a chance to do here. Even worse are the two main female characters –
one of whom is a clichéd nagging bitch, and the other gives herself, sexually,
to the various men in the movie as a “reward” on a number of occasions. For a
man who has helped to create some great female characters on Mad Men to make a
movie that could easily be called misogynistic is mind boggling. That he could
make a film that shows such horrible levels of acting, directing and writing is
unthinkable. But he did.
8. Dumb and Dumber To (Peter & Bobby Farrelly)
I wasn’t the biggest fan of the original Dumb and
Dumber – but I will admit that it makes me laugh out loud several times every
time I come across it on TV. The 20 years in the making follow-up is just as
dumb as the original – which isn’t really an insult, given its title – but
doesn’t contain a single laugh out loud moment – or even one that produced as
much as a giggle from me. The Farrellys and Jim Carrey seem to trying way too
hard to make the film work, and Jeff Daniels seems to not be trying at all –
and the less said about the supporting cast, the better. The film is quite
simply, a pain to sit through.
7. The Other Woman (Nick Cassavetes)
It’s a shame it is that Hollywood doesn’t make more
films starring women – and it’s even worse that when they do, they make
something as wretched as The Other Woman. Here is a film where the three main
characters are women – played by Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann and Kate Upton – and
yet it still may not even pass the Bechdel Test, since all these three do is
talk about the man who is screwing them all over. It’s an even bigger shame that
the movie saddles talented comedic actresses like Diaz and Mann with such
clichéd, misogynistic roles (Upton is also saddled with one of those – but I’m
not sure how talented she is). Nick Cassavetes is the son of John Cassavetes,
who in films like A Woman Under the Influence (1974), Opening Night (1977) and
Love Streams (1984) featured his wife (and Nick’s mother) Gena Rowlands with
complex, brilliantly written role to play. And his son makes this crap. It’s
just sad.
6. Moebius (Kim Ki-Duk)
For reasons that even I do not understand, I keep
watching the films of Korean director Kim Ki-Duk, despite the fact that every
single one of them are horrible. Here, he has made a movie about the most
screwed up family of the year – where the mother, after finding out her husband
is cheating on her, decides to cut off his penis – and when he runs away, cuts
off her sons penis instead – and that is far from the only penis removal in the
film. The film has no dialogue, and almost plays like a gleeful exploitation
film (which would have better, even if not by much), but Kim seems to also
think he has something real to say about sexuality and masculinity. He has
nothing interesting to say about women though – the two main ones are played by
the same actress, who is there just to serve the male characters, either by
cutting off their penises, or being raped or otherwise being sexually
exploited. Misogyny has been a running theme so far on this worst of list, and
Moebius certainly fits the bill. 
5. Devil’s Knot (Atom Egoyan)
How sad is it that Atom Egoyan, who could once be counted on to deliver
a fine film every time out, has sunk as low as Devils Knot. This is the first
of two (and the far worse) or his two films this year, a feature based on the
infamous West Memphis Three murder case that finds nothing interesting or new
to say about it. Oddly, it focuses on Colin Firths investigator – shunting
everyone else off into the background. Poor Reese Witherspoon is given nothing
to but looked shocked or saddened (or both) in every scene, Alessandro Nivola
pretty much twirls his mustache as a bad guy, and the two most interesting
characters – played by Kevin Durand and Mirelle Enos are barely given any
screen time. Then he goes ahead and wastes the talents of Bruce Greenwood,
Elias Koteas, Amy Ryan and everyone else by giving them nothing to do. Worst of
all, Devils Knot is just plain boring and dull from beginning to end. Egoyan is
capable of WAY better than this. I just don’t know if he`ll ever be as good as
he can be again.
4. Big Bad Wolves (Aharon
Keshales & Navot Papushado)
3. God’s Not Dead (Harold Cronk)
I understand that Christians think that Hollywood
doesn’t make films aimed at them – I really do. But is there a reason why when
those Christians go out and make their own movies, they have to be as poorly conceived
and executed on every level as Gods Not Dead. The film takes as its premise
that a University Professor (played with evil glee by Kevin Sorbo) tries to
convince his philosophy class that God is Dead – and the one brave Christian
who stands up and argues that he isn’t. That could, conceivably anyway, make an
interesting movie – but Gods Not Dead is not that movie. It such broad, condescending
preaching from beginning to end – with actors who cannot act, and a director
who cannot direct, whose argue is infantile. I would love to see more movies
that took religion seriously, even if I am an atheist – but Gods Not Dead
doesn’t take religion seriously at all. That’s a shame.
2. Child of God (James Franco)
James Franco certainly has good taste in source
material – Cormac McCarthy is one of the best living writers in the world right
now. Child of God is one of his simpler stories, but seeing as it is about a
man who has sex with dead bodies, it had to be approached in the right way if
it was to work as a movie – and Franco messes that up. Part of the problem is
the horrible overacting of leading man Scott Haze – who you can barely
understand what the hell he’s saying. Part of it is that Franco doesn’t figure
out a way to translate all that dead body sex onto the screen without making it
unintentionally funny. And part of it is that Franco doesn’t seem to know how
to translate the rest of the novel to the screen either – the movie literally
has text from the McCarthy novel appear onscreen. The movie is a painful sit,
because Franco never has any idea how to make the movie. Franco also directed a
demo reel for McCarthy's masterpiece Blood Meridian to try and get that
directing job. Thanks but no thanks James.
1. Transformers: Age of Extinction (Michael Bay)
Michael Bay's
fourth Transformers movie is probably the most
movie I have seen this year. The film runs nearly three hours, but never
has a coherent plot. It’s all just loud, metallic clanging, fast cut editing
and giant robots fighting each other in one incoherent action sequence after
another. The film is headache inducing in the extreme – as Bay doesn’t seem to
find anything worthy of being cut, so he simply throws everything at the
screen. I could go on about the misogyny in this movie as well – the creepy
control Mark Wahlberg wants to have over his daughters sex life, or how the
romantic leading man carries around a paper that proves that technically he is
not a stator rapist, or how the camera leers at young Nicola Peltz throughout
(and why, by the way, do all women in a Bay movie glisten that way). The
saddest thing about a movie like this is that as maligned as he is, Bay is
actually a talented director – I quite liked his film from last year, Pain
& Gain, and two of the previous Transformers movie had awe inspiring action
sequences (the second one is almost as abysmal as this one though). But Bay
simply doesn’t know when enough is enough – either in terms of making
Transformers films in the first place, or while directing and editing this film
either. There was no worse movie going experience this year than this monstrosity.
